July 23, 2017

We have two treatments left in our current cycle, and it has been going great for Calum. His blood counts are fairly stable and his energy level is the best we have seen in about seven months. When looking back at all the positive statements I’ve made regarding the status of Calum’s health along the way, I superstitiously end those statements with an obligatory “thus far”. Each time I have commented on how well he handles a cycle, it’s always, “He is handling this current cycle so well, ‘thus far’.” Tacking on that phrase is a source of self-preservation for me. I never want to be overly confident, and would prefer to hedge my bets with a meaningless phrase that lets everyone know I am still on high alert and can’t be too sure of how things may shift. I won’t allow the possibility of getting caught off-guard with bad news, even though we have only received positive feedback from our doctors. Intellectually I know everything is going very well, but the stakes are just too high to truly feel safe. These last few weeks of watching Calum feel well, however, have provided me so much confidence that, today, I am choosing to forego the caution of saying how well he is doing “thus far”. I am gifting myself this bold move, and it feels pretty good.

Getting out with the kids over the last few weeks has been so awesome. I even appreciate going to the grocery store with them. Our local grocery store has kid-sized grocery carts that Calum can push alongside me as we shop. I hate these carts for reasons which, I feel, are redundant beyond providing their description. Recently, however, I’ve even found myself chuckling at every ram of the little cart into the back of my heels; It was kind of cute when Calum tipped a crate of blueberries off a display “into” his cart the other day; I kind of like when he runs full speed down a crowded aisle pushing a metal crate on wheels. Seriously though, after what he’s gone through, it doesn’t take much to find joy in the small things. We’ve had some big highlights, too. Calum is signed up for a tennis clinic on Wednesday afternoons and, yesterday, he even scraped his knee riding bikes with his cousins Bobby and Caroline. The scrape wasn’t too major. We cleaned it well and he has enough platelets to clot the blood. The best part, however, was watching him get right back on his bike.