May 11, 2017

I have received many texts, calls and even packages from people who have diligently wondered how Calum is holding up. Now that we are into our second treatment of this vicious cycle, I continue to hesitate to tell people how well Calum is handling it all. I am afraid I might speak too soon and don’t want to get too comfortable with him feeling well in the event he becomes sick, but, truly, if we make it through this cycle the way it has been going so far, it is more than manageable emotionally. He has not complained of discomfort and has been boundlessly jumping on his brand new bouncy castle we purchased for the back yard. I would not dare say the word “easy” but compared to what I was prepared for, this has been easy. It is more nerve-racking because I am almost waiting for the other shoe to drop, but there is something I need to remind myself in this process, which is this: it is OK if this doesn’t get any harder than it already is. It is OK to hope and even to believe that we have made it through the worst of this journey.

I am still fragile. With every gentle and loveable remark he makes, the emotion of his sweet words doubles my fear of what could happen to this pure creature. Today, as I left the house to do work, he slid off his breakfast stool and scurried over to meet me at the door and converse, in whispers, so that Faye would not hear me leave and get upset. He softly told me not to be gone too long and asked for a kiss and a hug. I obliged, and then turned quickly so that he might not notice my eyes well-up with intense love and unfathomable admiration of this child. I will continue to pray and believe Calum will win.